Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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