A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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