My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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