did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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