Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
