Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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