dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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