She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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