I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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