i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize