I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
