DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
