hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
