note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
