I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
