I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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