I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
