I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my being single is dangerous.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
