no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
