So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize