Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
