In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
