If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
