Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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