we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
