I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
