go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
