I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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