Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize