i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
