She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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