somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
