its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
