if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
