I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
