We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
