I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
