just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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