I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
