I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
