Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize