Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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