I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
