No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
