No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
