he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
