Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
