Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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