if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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