FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
