I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
