I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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