don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
