You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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