then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize