I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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