I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
