I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize