I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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