You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
