Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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