If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
