hotel room ftw
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
