Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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