If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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