; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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