guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
