I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
