I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
