Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
