You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
