I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize