The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
