Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
